you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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