If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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