clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need a beard to bite.
did i just pee glitter
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
