i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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