i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
