did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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