your room smells of hookers.
And success
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
