I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
