he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm both gender and math confused
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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