Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You can't special order awesome
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
