cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
