He disabled his match.com account in front of me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
