And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
