you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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