How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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