we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
