Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize