so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
