My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
