So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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