Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize