I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
