why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
