He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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