I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
