he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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