I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize