My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
