So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
