Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This house was built for laser tag.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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