I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
