I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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