I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
