I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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