I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
