My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
