stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
