is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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