never play flip cup with pint glasses
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
