It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
