i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
