well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
