is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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