this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
