Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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