Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
