Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
