someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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