My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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