i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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