Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
