I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
