So drunk its hurt
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
