We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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