I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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