our cab driver is having phone sex.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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