Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
