He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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