Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
