Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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