Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
