After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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