Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you win again, gameday.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
