Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Randomize
