He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
