Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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