You really coming over, don't trick.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
