I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
