Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
