Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
