I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
