Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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